Too often we heard the terms growth mindset and fixed mindset. Usually the terms are being applied to learning and personal growth. However, what if the terms are related to relationships.
First off, let’s define what growth mindsets and fixed mindsets are. Carol Dweck is an American psychologist who explored the philosophical foundation of growth and fixed mindsets. Growth mindsets believe that their talents can be developed through hard work and effort. They tend to take on challenges head on and use them to spur growth. Fixed mindsets believe that the basis for intelligence and talent is not changeable. Basically, it is what it is.These people tend to try to prove their abilities rather than develop them.
GROWTH MINDSET IN RELATIONSHIPS
How can these terms be applied to relationships? Those who take more of a growth mindset believe that relationships, in particular interpersonal relationships, can be developed. We are used to hearing the phrase, “marriage (or relationships) take work.” Those who fall into the growth mindset camp embrace this and have a vision for personal growth.
Growth mindset in long term relationships tend to take a high level view of a relationship and recognize that there will be challenges along the way. These individuals make a commitment to someone and do not let challenges alter their view or feelings for that person.
Obviously, there are caveats to this. Issues revolving around infidelity, abuse or destructive behavior take a relationship down a different path not related to a mindset.
But overall, a growth mindset type of person recognizes that there will always be challenges and this type of person tends to embrace these challenges. For example, in the most basic sense a couple has a disagreement. The growth mindset person is able to separate the disagreement from the relationship. This person fully accepts that there will be disagreements or challenges and uses this event as an opportunity to grow both personally and in the relationship.
FIXED MINDSET IN RELATIONSHIPS
The fixed mindset individual takes a different approach to the similar disagreement. Instead of recognizing that these types of events will happen, the fixed mindset individual chalks it up to this is the way the relationship was and is and there is no growth to come from it.
A fixed mindset looks at relationships as they are what they are. Oftentimes, those with a fixed mindset will put less effort into a relationship because they see no value in trying. They feel nothing can change and categorize disagreements as signals that a relationship is in a bad place or they are incompatible with the other person.
WHICH IS BETTER?
On the surface, it is easy to see that a growth mindset is better. More studies have been done to show that in academic settings, those with a growth mindset tend to do better and achieve more success.
Growth mindset looks at life a little more realistically, accepting that not everything is perfect and that there will be challenges. These challenges are not meant to derail us, but more so to help us improve.
All relationships go through ups and downs. It is so important to recognize that cycles are a part of life. Everyone and everything is cyclical. Individuals with a growth mindset accept short term pain for long term growth. Taking a more rational, positive view of relationships can lead to a much healthier outcome for those involved.
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